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MizconstruedJa
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Name: ja
Birthday: 11/15/1984
Gender: Female
Interests: PENGUINS!! Green Tea, Boba, smoothies, going to shows stalking musicians (JOKE), driving, accents, pretending I've got skizzos, listening to music rreally rreally loud.....
Expertise: Being a dork...I like using ellipses .....
Occupation: Retired
Message: message me
Member Since:
10/16/2002
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| If there's one thing you can't have too much of, it's love.
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| Going to the BiznatchI don't know how the beautiful do it!... what? Be beautiful all the time!
It's so much maintenance. If only I had more patience. Not just for my outer appearance.... but for what's within.
I do tend to get frustrated with myself.
I know that I am a good person, but there are many qualities I want to improve.
I don't want to get annoyed easily with people.... I definitely don't want to go along with the crowd and belittle someone. Because... THAT definitely is not beautiful... though some beautiful people do tend to do that. Not all.
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There's someone in my tennis class who reminds me so much of Jay. I first noticed him around the music department and it bothered me because it made me think of him. But, now... it's just whatever. He's my tennis partner a lot when we play doubles.
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It's a little embarrassing because I bought this hair removal product called Smooth Away. It sort of works and my legs feel really smooth.
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I've been trying to get into better shape forever. The only problem is that I don't stay consistent. However... my body changes sometimes and I look smaller.
I used to HATE HATE HATE it when people would comment "wow, Nadia... you've lost weight! Oh, of course... you have a boyfriend now"
It still bothers me, but I don't like people thinking that I want to improve myself just for Harry. I've been ninja training for myself!
however............ I have tried to pretty up a bit. I HAVE to admit.
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Anyway, I'm off to the beach. Since I've been taking tennis, I've gotten tan. My legs have always been deathly white... but not anymore!
I need to work on other white areas though, haha.
I don't like baring much skin, but maybe I'll brave it this once.
Can't wait to play in the water :)
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| ----------I like mirrors that make me look skinny.
But then again, it's not a good thing to lie to yourself.
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Harry Potter and I are now 6 months old. We're still babies!
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Sometimes I feel really anxious. I don't like the feeling and it worries me. I had to do some health check thing for this insurance company my dad and step-mom want me to change to. I had to take a urine sample, blood sample, and take my blood pressure.
It made me nervous. My blood pressure is good at least. In high school, it wasn't. And I was a skinny kid in high school.
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Harry gives me books to read and I appreciate it very much. They are books that are meant to inspire. Nonfiction.
I do love fiction though. I've been reading A History of Love again. The prose is so humorous and heart-breaking. I'm entertained. I fall in love. Yet... it can make me so sad as well.
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I'm trying to be a better listener. I think that I do hold qualities of a good listener already, but I can still improve. Harry says that's one thing he loves about me.. I listen. Not listen as in ... whatever I say, you do. But listen as in... paying attention to what's important to him and hearing him out.
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I think I'm going to my aunt's for Independence Day. Harry and his best friend always host a group of Russian students at Mission Beach. I know I want to spend time with my family but thought maybe I could stop by afterwards as well.... but Mission Beach on 4th of July.... doesn't leave too many parking spots.
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I was worried for a while that my own Russian friend was angry with me. I haven't spent time with him... because, well. Yeah. But it turns out that he doesn't hate me! That's a relief.
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I'm bummed that my tennis class is coming to an end. I'm also bummed that I'm still not a tennis beast! It will probably take a couple years to get really good.... but I think even if I were actually good, I still wouldn't know it.
I'd like to play Harry sometime. I wish our schedules were slightly different. I would really like to play sports and do active things with him.
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I'm tired.
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| I have no idea what I want to write about now. !!!!!!!!!! | | |
| Green EyedSo a female friend of Harry's asked him to teach her how to surf. He made sure it was ok with me... and of course I said yes. But when he said her actual name I actually felt threatened because I had a feeling they dated before. I don't know this for sure, but it was a strong feeling of mine.
My cousin had mentioned earlier that she wanted to learn how to surf as well and would like him to teach her as well. Of course, I remembered this and immediately told him about it. So he would be teaching the both of them... not just the friend. (I'm actually laughing right now because I realize how insecure I sound)
So there I was, feeling a bit better because my cousin would be there as well. But, there was a chance that she wouldn't be and again all the jealous feelings started to flood back in me.
Since I've been in this relationship, I have never felt jealous or too insecure. He has talked about past relationships and experiences. He talks to everyone and makes cute and funny comments. Nothing has ever bothered me.
But this did! The thought of him spending time with this other girl at the beach, teaching her how to surf, (before me!) was really starting to make me sick to the stomach. But, no! I refuse to be an insecure, jealous girlfriend.
So... I prayed. I read the bible. I read articles. And then.........
I talked to him and told him how I felt. I assured him that I do trust him and that it was still cool for him to teach her how to surf, but that the thought actually did make me jealous and I didn't want to hide the fact.
And you know what?.........
He was thrilled!
He said that it means I really do care and that he would be much more jealous.
He mentioned once that we were on the phone together and heard a guy's voice in the background and immediately thought "Who the HECK is that GUY?!" and asked me. Of course, it was my brother.
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So the day came when he was going to give the surf lesson. And the unpleasant feeling came again (and sort of is now too) I did not want to be at home because I didn't want to drive myself crazy thinking about it.
I went out with my friend Linda and we talked. I've always said that I don't ever want to speak badly about my relationship. I think that's how things go downhill. If you choose to be mean and speak about what's wrong about your significant other (BEHIND HIS BACK!) what kind of person are you in front of him?
But I had all these bad feelings... and I was worried. We get along together so well and treat each other very well, but I have noticed that we have very different view points on certain things.... mostly political. We hardly discuss them though... but I was venting to Linda my worry.... How I find myself to be quite "gray area" and how I see my boyfriend as very "black and white."
I do consider myself to be quite conservative in nature, but sometimes I feel like I am much more socially (as Linda pointed out) liberal. My three best friends are very liberal and my boyfriend is conservative. Where does that leave me? In the middle!
Anyway... I'm not sure why I'm bringing this up... I think it's because I feels bad for talking to Linda about this before him. I know that I need to talk to him about it and see how he feels. It's funny how I get so stressed out about this stuff. Because usually this stress comes when I'm just thinking by myself and not even when I'm with him.
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We went to the fair yesterday and spent the whole day together. It almost feels like we did a whole lot of nothing. We saw lots of music performances and walked through exhibits and... ate!
Harry wanted a deep fried twinkee... and later on wanted a deep fried smore. I tried very little of both. I made sure that I put in my share of paying even after all his refusal. I really don't think it's right for one person to pay for every single thing! I'm a working woman as well!
It felt so good being with him.
I put sunscreen on his face and arms.
We held hands.
Hugged.
Kissed.
Laughed and teased each other.
We really do enjoy each other's company.
From the outside, we may not seem very exciting, but we are really laid back and comfortable with each other and I like that.
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It will be six months this coming Wednesday, and it really doesn't feel that long. I feel like it's been two months. There is still so much more learning and growing to come. And I'll be praying for love. Because out of faith, hope, and love... the most important one is love.
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